And Yet Still Yet Even More Real life screwups!

Darien

Top of page

2)
"My brother threw a rock at me, and when I threw one back I broke a window and a window out of the door. I did all this with one rock, and I was eight years old. My brother threw a rock at me because I made him mad. My mom and dad flipped out on me. I had to replace the window, and I got grounded. My brother got away with it."

Antony

Top of page

Mariah

Top of page

We- my friends and I- were out in one of my friends backyards. We were just hanging around, doing nothing of any importance. Eventually, we all decided to go to the park. The park happened to be literally right outside my friend's backyard. Right before I opened the gate to get out, she reminded me to be careful of not letting out her 1 yr old Labrador. Not really listening, I opened the gate. It was just my luck that all of a sudden said Labrador comes sprinting out of nowhere, passes me and goes through the gate. Next thing I know, my friend is screaming "Get him!" and I'm sprinting out the gate, through the park, for the dog.

Labrador puppy goes for his prey, a fuzzy little white dog being walked on a pink jeweled rope. Now, lets get it straight that my friend's dog is as friendly as they come. He just has lots of energy and is huge which can scare some people. That, along with the dog being off leash, scared the crud out of this woman and her white dog. In a panic, she started screaming at me and the dog. At the same time, she apparently thought it would be a good idea to pull on her dog's leash, trying to pick him up. I guess she never got the idea to just pick up the dog, saving some chocking for the poor thing.

Meanwhile, we were gaining a crowd. Now this part I didn't see, it was just what I was told. Apparently another lady- 1st ladies friend- had been playing baseball a little ways off. She sees us, and comes racing over, armed with a bat. At the exact time she gets to me, my friends finally decided it might be a good idea to help me out. Labrador puppy was lucky, considering the lady was stopped before she actually hit the dog (probably me too) with the bat.

We didn't get into any trouble at first. Just a mean glare from the two ladies and a stern talking to from a rude man who had been watching. Yes, it was embarrassing. But, it was also one of those things you could laugh at 20 seconds later. Which, we did. Until the police came.

Some onlooker had called them, saying a pit-bull (how they got a pit-bull from Labrador is way beyond me) was attacking a lady. By the time the police actually showed up, everybody had left so we didn't really get in too much trouble. Just a call to my friends parents, who were pretty understanding. Really, it's just her sister who I am now scared of. She didn't find any humor in it and now glares threateningly at me every time I see her.

But, hey, at least I got some exercise."

~~Amanda~~

Top of page

Then, before I knew it, the papers beside me flew out of the window. These papers just so happened to be my sisters registration to be able to cheer with her team (normally it would have been in beforehand, but the competition lost them- allowing my sister to bring them the day before instead). 20 seconds later, all the passengers in the car where frantic, half worrying about the papers, half screaming at me.

If you think this is the worst part, your wrong. Apparently, not all of these registration papers had blown away. No, only the ones that could easily be rewritten. So, we still had all the important information- like medical information and birth certificate. That was until they blew away during the first franticness. Which, of course, caused a whole new, never before seen, level of franticness.

After that, I can’t say the trip was too enjoyable. My
family was mad at me for the remainder of the trip. The competition runners weren’t happy at all. Nor was my sisters coach and teammates. Luckily(on
not?) for me, nobody seemed to really believe the blowing away story.( Well, they said they did, but you could just till.) Anyway, in the end everything worked out well-if you consider having to drive back two hours to get the lost papers from our house/doctor well anyway.

Today, I think I am the only one who finds this (a little
bit) funny. Certainly nobody lets me forget it, which is rather annoying. Still, when I think about all the craziness I caused by opening a window… well any outsider would have been laughing the entire time."
 
Beth

Top of page

But for the last 5 years I've held the deepest secret, one I can't tell her of all my friends. Since we were 10 years old I've been in love with this girl, absolutely infatuated by her. Why wouldn't I be? She's beautiful, smart, funny, and just different. I know her "flaws", and yet they don't seem like flaws at all, they just seem like her; it's those quirks that make her lovable. I live to make her smile, to make her laugh. Around her I can't help it; I feel amazing. But there's a million reasons not to love her in the way I do. Yet every day I wake up and wish I could tell her.

I think the day she marries, with me as her only bridesmaid like she's always said, I'll stand there and cry. Not just because I'm glad that she's found the person who makes her happy, but also because I'll always wish that I could be that person.

I love my best friend. Part of me doesn't think that's a screw up at all, but isn't unrequited love always a little screwed up?"

Top of page

7)
"I think of myself as a together chick. My life had become unmanageable. My husband had gone on a little vacation to Hazeldon in Minnesota about 7 years ago. Being the martyr that I am I was taking care of the 4 boys and keeping the family together and working at the little bookshop down the street from my house.

I was the epitome of togetherness. Running to the carpool line to pick up the children, I noticed my pre-k son, Joseph standing on the curb with all the other 4 year olds waiting for their moms. He was wearing his boxer shorts proudly. I, being the former junior league president that I am, immediately rolled down my window and asked the teacher if Joseph had an accident at school and apologized for the inconvenience. She quickly informed me that he had arrived at school that way and had been in his underwear all day. "

Betty Jo

Top of page

It was around 10 pm when my friend Sarah and I were packing up our skates and sticks to meet the boys at the pond to play a little midnight pond hockey - dressed all puck-bunny and ready to get my flirt on. My mom (who
had cancer for the second time) thought I was nuts going out so late in
the cold night to skate around on dangerous thin ice - wet and melting. To her, I thought, she was just for-seeing my runny nose, and my constant complaining about a head-cold, and sore feet

My mom yelled at me to stay home - she wanted to talk. I yelled back. I wasn't going to let her get in the way of any potential I had with seeing Riley again. I was determined to have an amazing Christmas - a holiday to remember. So I cut her off, and stormed out the door with my skates slung over my shoulder and my coat barely done up.

I arrived home at around 2 to a quiet, dark house. I creeped down the hall toward my bedroom, trying not to cause a stir and wake my parents. Inside my bedroom I found my mother curled up in my bed - she had been complaining earlier that her own bed smelled of my father's cigarette smoke - the stench of Players Light embedded in the sheets which irritated her - choked her. I tried my best not to make a sound as I changed out of my clothes and into my pjs, when I noticed the tear on her cheek. Silent tears in the dark blue glow from the moon, seeping into my room from a crack in the curtain.

My mother had been crying. I didn't know what to say. I slipped into the bed beside her and put my arm around her. I was hugging a crevice moon. She felt smaller, bonier than I had remembered. Her skin my cold but sweaty - clammy, really. We were silent for a long while and finally she whispered to me, "My baby. I miss my baby." And that's when this feeling overwhelmed me... I wanted that moment to last forever. I didn't want to ever move from that position. I wanted to hold onto her before she was taken away from me. I felt her heartbeat against my hand. I held her. I breathed her. I just knew this moment would end. End. End. End. Fuck the end.

The next afternoon I found her sitting at her closet. She pulled out an ice-blue dress and blazer she'd worn to my cousin's wedding in the summer. She told me this was the dress she wanted to wear at her funeral. And that was the moment she revealed her days were numbered. She just stopped responding to treatments. She wanted to tell me last night. She wanted to tell me when I was out playing hockey - playing hockey badly and flirting with boys who could give a fuck about my mind - my problems.

She wanted to tell me everything and that she had known since early November but didn't want to tell me then because she didn't want to trouble me while I was away at school. She didn't want me to go to the pond that night because she knew her days were numbered - and here I was spending every holiday night with friends... "friends..."

This is my screw-up. Yeah, I wish I'd been more perceptive, because after that night... it was just a downward spiral toward the end."

Laura

Top of page

I called my dad to come and pick us up, but her never showed beacuse he didn't see where we were. So madly and after shedding many tears (of pure hate toward myself), I started the truck and went to my house. The only problem was that I hit the lady hard and did more damage to my car and some of the plastic caved inward and when turning right there was a sound of the plastic scratching against the tire. When I did get home I started yelling at my parents and telling my dad I didn't want to drive anymore. Then I called work and started scremaing at one of the managers that I had an accident and wasn't going to work. While yelling I told them I didn't get many hours and somehow the words came out that "I Quit". So I have no job, but a car ,yes. And earlier today I saw an accident that with a truck and SUV where the police and ambulance showed up and reminded me of three weeks ago in my accident. I am so thankful to God that nothing worse happened though and the insurance only got $800 for the damage (very minor) I caused to the lady.

And yes I use glasses, but didn't use them that day. Now I use all the time."

Judith

Top of page

10)
"Okay, I was at my friends house for a sleep over. We were playing hide an go seek in the forest were it was like pitch black. My friend was it and i was slowly trying to get away from her. I got to a spot where there was no branches (I know, it was creepy looking in the daytime. It's like this hallway in the forest that is like completely cleaned by the forest janitor). Anyways, i started to run. I ran down the path and i ran into something and hit my head. I thought i ran into a tree or something so i tried to move around it. Then I thought 'there's no trees in the middle of the forest hallway!'.

I freaked out a little. A little scream escaped my lips. I felt a hand go on my back and push me closer to whoever it was. I felt lips against mine. I liked it so i kissed back. That was one MISTAKE I made that night. Then he pushed me away. He turned around and screamed "I did it".

It turns out he was doing it for a dare from his brother. They had been watching me and my friend playing. I was caught by my friend but i didn't want to play anymore. I was so embarrassed that I kissed him back. He was about my age. He was my friends neighbor. After a few hours of playing with them my friend and I got inside and got into our pajamas. We got into the sleeping bags and tried to sleep. I was the last one to fall asleep, of course.

I heard footsteps and then something tripped over me. My first thought was that it was my friends neighbor. He fell to the ground and i grabbed his ankle and punched him in the face. There was another MISTAKE i made that night. My friend turned on the light and i found that it was her brother on his way to the kitchen. MISTAKES are pretty embarrassing at times. I didn't hurt him (THANK GOODNESS). It was the worst sleepover ever."

Stephanie

Top of page

I miss her, and now that she's gone I don't know how to go on with my life. Now I'm sitting here on a log crying my head off because of how sad and heartbroken I am. I keep having flash backs of all the times I spent with her. Happy times, sad times all ran through my mind.

Like the time in 5th grade when I was at Isabella's sleepover I woke up and started to walk around the house alone, the lights were all turned off. As I was walking I tripped over a chair's leg. I screamed, I mean really loud. Isabella woke up screaming that I was kidnapped and killed. I started to laugh so hard that I could feel tears falling down my cheeks.

I also remember how mean I had been. Once, when we were at a dance, she was wearing a dress, and I told her it was ugly, as I had said this I was laughing really hard. She went running to the bathroom, crying. Her tears rushed down, and her make-up with it. She didn't talk to me for a week for doing that.

I also remember how we meet. It was in kindergarten, I never talked she never talked. When our class was outside at the playground I went to the swings were Isabella was. I fell off the swings and so Isabella had to take me to the office. Then in class we always talked, the teacher had to tell us a lot of times to close our mouth. That's how we meet.

I had so many questions. Why did she go away? Was she going to come back? I also knew that there was the most important question, the one that only I could answer. Was it my fault she had left?
Even though she doesn't know, I miss her and I'll never forget her.

Ana

Top of page

"Who was the famous Greek philosopher and stonemason?" asked Mr. Waggoner (my teacher). My opponent wasn't getting it, and I was thinking as hard as I could. Finally a name popped into my head! "Isosceles!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. Of course their was a big round of laughter because, obviously, Isosceles is a triangle and not a famous philosopher.

Top of page

On the first day of class, I made little notes to myself to help me remember their names. When I called out "Charles," the boy with shaggy blond hair on the right raised his hand; when I called out "Will," the boy with spikey brown hair sitting next to him raised his. I made a note by Charles' name - the letter B for blonde - and a note by Will's name - the letter S for spikey - and moved on. But since they were always in class and were always together, I hadn't really taken the time to memorize which was Charles and which was Will. In my mind, Charles and Will are here, so
I put a check and a check on the roster. One day, the shaggy blond one
was missing, so I checked my notation - S for shaggy - and counted Will missing. But when I tried to get Charles' attention - "Charles.
Charles! CHARLES!" I called, each time louder than the last - I realized something was up. First ignored me, then he looked at me like I was crazy, and then he started laughing. But I bit my tongue and made the decision to be cool and play along. So this had been what they were planning! "Sorrrrrry," I said, with much exaggeration. "I meant to say Will. How silly of me." I read the confused looks from everyone in the class as trying to figure out his game, not my strange behavior.

This went on for a week! Charles and Will both seemed in on it, and even had their classmates on board, as no one bat an eye when I said, everyday, something directly to each of them using their traded names.

After class one day, the spiky brown haired one stopped at my desk to drop off a permission slip. But it had his fake name on it! I thought to myself, this game has gone too far, and I let him have it: "Look, I am on to you and your game and it needs to stop. This isn't your permission slip, it's Will's, and he needs to drop it off himself." And on and on I went about respect and the legalities of a permission slip and all sorts of other big themes, but the boy in front of me just stood there with a puzzled look on his face. "I AM Will," he said without any hint of sarcasm or even anger. "Ask anyone," he added quietly. I sighed and took the permission slip anyway and sent him on his way. I would handle this myself, I thought.

So I asked every teacher the boys had: What color hair does Charles have?
What does Will look like? Few could tell me, until finally, the art teacher, a master teacher with an eye for detail, settled it once and for
all: Charles was blond and Will was brunette. They were telling the truth and I was completely off my rocker.

Perhaps not the greatest ups ever to be screwed, but I felt pretty silly at the time. I snuck a candy bar to each boy, told them I was sorry, and I never got them confused again.

Jennifer

I looked past the concrete path leading towards the dull water park; there were no slides, no pools, and, as far as I could tell, no water. The only signs of the so called water park even *being* a water park were the kids running around in wet bathing suits and the water darkened cement.

When the teachers finally freed us from our boredom, I took my clothes off
-- having already put on my bathing suit on under my clothing -- and I started toward the park, my friends following.

And that's when I heard *it*.

The *voice*.

The voice that pointed out what was possibly -- probably -- the most embarrassing blunder in the eleven excruciatingly long years of my life:

"Uh, Taylor? Why doesn't the bottoms of your bathing suit match the top?"

*Huh... What?*

When I looked down I realized that the bottom of my suit *didn't* match the top.

Of *course* they didn't match the top! They were panties! Not just plain pink panties. The kind that's more fit to be called underwear. No, these were my blue-yellow-monkey-banana panties! By the time I stopped staring at my middle in absolute horror, every one of my friends had noticed my blue-yellow-monkey-banana panties.

I grabbed my friend's towel. She promptly snatched it back, emitting this evil, maniacal laugh, and practically yelling: "Taylor, it's okay. It doesn't look *that* bad," which, of course, attracted more attention.

Looking back now, I wish that I could have walked the rest of the way to the park, confidence leading me and my blue-yellow-monkey-banana panties down that concrete path, because, looking back, it doesn't seem *that*embarrassing. But noooo, confidence didn't lead me towards that water park. It was total fear -- the fear that I would be laughed at for the rest of my life and me and my blue-yellow-monkey-banana panties would never live it down -- that lead me back *up* the path. Fear mixed with complete mortification that led me back to the picnic tables, towel covered and shoulder hunched, hoping that would somehow hide me from the rest of the world.

Taylor

The woman said she was a relative and to tell the president that "so and so" had died. For some reason, I assumed she meant the president's father had died. When the president returned from lunch, I said, "I'm sorry to tell you that you received a call and your father has died."

He growled, "My father's been dead for years!"

Figuring this would cost me my job, the only thing I could think of to say was, "I'm sorry. Someone has died. I don't know who."

I explained to him that the woman who called (whose name I didn't have either!) was crying and that I couldn't understand her.

Thankfully, I was not fired. But I cringed every time I saw the president after that!

M. K.

Top of page