Real life scrweups!

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1) "One day when I was working as a front desk clerk at Mohonk Mountain House, I was busy computing some numbers in the front desk computer. As I was working a man came up and asked for a package. Without looking up I said, "Your name, sir?" He said, "Stephen." Annoyed at the interruption and because the man hadn't given me all the information, I sighed loudly and said, "Your LAST name, sir?" To which he answered "King". I looked up into the eyes of the one and only Stephen King. Oops!"

KL

KL
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Real stuck.

We didn't have options in the early hours of the morning [no cell phone] and had to walk back to my girlfriend's house. We were both pretty scared because we were going to have to wake up her DAD !!! and ask him to help me get my car un-stuck.

I'm sure that all of you reading this will think that was the last thing you'd have done, but my house was miles away...so anyway, we arrived at her house and woke up her parents and they were real mad and sent her "to her room" and her DAD without a word to me other than "let's go" drove me back to my car. I was very embarrassed. We tried real hard but were not able to unstick my car [oh God], and so her DAD drove me back to their house, left me in the car [oh God], and called his garage buddy with a tow truck.

We all met at the scene of MY crime and it was by then about 3:30 in the morning. Garage buddy hooked up to my car and hauled the evidence of my lust out of the lane. Garage buddy and her DAD swore and laughed quite a lot and generally made me feel like a real screwup [oh God].

Then her DAD pulled a brown paper bag out of his car and placed it on the hood of my car; then he poured 3 old water glasses half full of Canadian Club whiskey [his favorite??] and they started really laughing and we all drank [warm, no ice!!] to hopes that I would "grow up and not be such a screwup and wise up"; and then they let me drive away [oh thank God]; I'm still alive, I'm still with that girl and this is one of my favorite memories."

Bud
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3) "At a recent holiday party, friends of mine told me that they were expecting their first baby, but that they were only telling me and the party host the good news. Later in the evening, after I had observed those same friends chatting excitedly with the party host and hugging, I figured they had shared the big news. I went up to the three of them and said, "Isn't it wonderful?! It's just the best news ever! I'm so thrilled for you two!" The host just stared at me, clearly shocked but putting two and two together, and my friends admitted that they hadn't quite gotten around to telling her yet.

So basically, I inadvertently stole from them one of the best moments in life, telling a dear friend that you're pregnant. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. The fact that they forgave me so readily is a testament to how kind they are, but you can bet my baby shower gifts will be plentiful and expensive."

Jennifer
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4) "I am a woman in my late 50's and I really screwed up with my dad back when I was about 15 years old. Way back then "screwed up" was a phrase popular in my high school. I made the big mistake of referring to someone as being really screwed up and my father heard me say this.

Needless to say I was sent directly to my room without supper for talking "dirty"! Up until that time I had been unaware of any other use of the word screwed and tried to tell my dad it just meant crazy, mixed up. Dad did not relent and I was careful never to say this in his hearing again! I'm not sure how he would have reacted to a book titled "King of the Screw-Ups".

Luckily, she had only good things to say about me at a later parent-teacher conference, according to my parents, and I did manage to befriend that one cool girl. If it weren't for my over-active sense of guilt, I guess you could say I got off easy."

G.
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6) "Even though the Beatles were long broken up by the time I got to high school, I was a huge fan. During my sophomore year I read in the paper that an art gallery was hosting a special showing of John Lennon's artwork, with Yoko Ono greeting fans for opening day. I really wanted to go, but there were some problems: my friends didn't want to waste a Sunday afternoon taking two buses to get out to the suburbs, so I'd have to go it alone; my mom was overprotective to the max, AND I was completely and totally broke. I begged my mom, pleaded, whined, cajoled, until she finally gave in. OK, she said, but I'm short this week so if you want to go, you have to pay with money from the coin jar.

The coin jar was what my dad threw all of his spare change into; it was overflowing with pennies, nickels and dimes, but very few quarters. I counted out enough to pay for the bus, a couple of phone calls (I had to call home when I got there and when I was going to leave), and a little extra in case I wanted a snack. This wasn't a lot of money, but the change was heavy in my pockets and made a terrible noise when I walked. (Also, what I found out later was my mom threw some extra dimes and nickels in, just in case.) My jacket must have weighed twenty pounds.

When I got to the gallery I was so excited to be among the first let into the area where Yoko was holding court. I was definitely the youngest person in a room full of hip people sipping champagne and murmuring quietly in front of the cool Lennon drawings artfully displayed. At some point I walked into a line that had formed in front of Yoko. She's a tiny person who speaks very softly, but has an overall intimidating presence. I got so nervous as the line moved forward that I shoved my hands in my pockets (habit of mine).

When I removed them to shake her hand, the change tumbled out--tons of dimes, nickels, and pennies crashing to the ground and rolling over the shiny floors! The sound echoed through the quiet; the hipsters standing behind me sucked in a collective breath. Yoko gave me a horrified look, then shot worried glances at the two bodyguards standing on either side of her (this was less than ten years after Lennon was shot). I mumbled an apology and ran out of the gallery, leaving my change behind. I had to wait for hours at the nearby mall for my dad to pick me up. Total humiliation!"

Loretta

7) "My biggest screwup was in the fifth grade. It was on April 7, 2005, which was my birthday. I was having a birthday party that weekend and it was going to be so amazing. I was in gym class and i was playing with this girl. We were pulling aback and forth a plastic holahoop. I finally retrieved the holahoop and i was twirling it around my arm. The girl decided to walk away and as soon as she about three feet away from me, the hoola hoop flew off my arm and hit her in the back of her head. I felt extremely bad and immediatly apologized. She had the intentions that i did it on purpose. I tried to explain to her it was an accident but she didn't care at that point. She ran and told the teacher and i was sent ot the office. I got suspended on my birthday.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how I was going to explain that incident to my mom. So I didn't. I didnt tell her anything because i knew that if i was to tell her i wouldn't have my brithday party that weekend and we were going "Lazer Tagging" and "Go Cart Racing". So, i went on home hoping the school hadn't called my mother. When i arrived home, my mom had no idea what had happened.

So as the weekend approached, i got more and more nervous. My party day had arrived and my mom still had no idea i got suspended. I had my party and it was extremely exspensive which made everything worse. Throughout my party my head was hurting really bad. After the party was over, i went to aunts home and waited until i thought my mom was sleeping at our home. I couldn't sleep at all, so i called her and left a voicemail telling her everything and why i did it. I then fell asleep feeling a little better.

But, as soon as morning hit, it was time to go to school. I called my mom and told her i was lying about the message the night before. I went to school hoping no one would recognize me. A teacher of mine realized i was there and immediately sent me to the office. They kept calling my mother until they got a response. The day was going by and i got more and more nervous because i knew i was in big trouble. My mom arrived at the school and took me home. I got in so much trouble and she took all my gifts and i was on punishment for a long time. That was a mistake that I will never make again!"

Anonymous

8) "My worst screw up... picture this... sixth grade, my popularity is teetering between the in crowd and the losers and the favor of the cool crowd is beginning to tilt my way with the interests of my dream boat, Josh White. All that stands between me, scholastic stardom, and a pee-wee letterman is Halloween. My biggest screw up was asking dad to help me die my long blonde hair punk-rock fuchsia for a party. Dad suggests a shower cap to sleep in, which changes the color from temporary to permanent. After Halloween, the color did not wash out and Josh said he would never date a girl with pink hair. He went out with my best friend instead!"

Marcy

9) "I was visiting a dear friend of mind whose husband was big into jumping and doing tricks on their trampoline. One evening we were out in the yard and everyone was taking a turn jumping on the trampoline. Well, it was my turn and I'm not the most graceful thing sometimes, so I'm sure it was quite the sight anyway. But to make matters worse, I had to pee so badly while I was jumping that I accidently peed my pants. Yup! And it was cold outside, and I couldn't tell that it happened right away. So, I kept jumping with my pants wet!!! When I finally jumped down, I knew something wasn't right. I excused myself to their restroom, where I was completely and utterly mortified to discover what had happened. Luckily I was staying for the weekend and had an extra change of pants. But I had to do a lot of self-talk to get myself out of the bathroom!"

Julie

10) "OK don't laugh but I've been a screwup plenty of times in my life. But hey, when you fall there's only one thing to do, learn to pick yourself up. So my story starts with me getting a small time job, payed like 60 bucks for striping old wood steps in the house and replacing it with some new varnished wood that i had coated with wood stain a couple weeks back for this job.

Sooo.. I was taking the old floors out with a hammer and a crowbar. Took all the panels I got and threw them outside in the grass; Looked like a wooden replica of Mayan temple built from boards with nails poking out the other side, made them easier to stack to. After I got them all organized I was told by my boss (my moms, best friends, husband - He puts money in my pocket, great boss) to bend the nails over to make sure no one gets poked threw the shoe. Before i got out there I here a holler "Don't stab yourself with a nail your mom will sue me and don't use your foot to bend the nail, AND take your time dont stab yourself BELIVE me you dont want to feel a rusty nail."

Both of use had a little laugh.Afterwards I start bending the nails with my hammer , took FOREVER so I had a "Though Bubble" I was like - I should use my work shoes and bend them over with my foot, "there not TOO sharp". And then after doing it 3 times I was confident that this was helping me finish faster, then "SWOOP - SHINK - OWWWW " stabed me right threw the foot like it was butter, OH no didn't hurt that bad ....

THE NEXT MORNING It was killing me , why because it was a blunt edge so it pierces your skin and tears little muscle, not like a sharp clean cut. So I felt like a COMPLETE screw up after being told not to bend it with my shoe and just use the hammer and take my time so I DON'T stab myself. Belive me this was a wood nail it goes threw bones... P f f f, oh well learned something right."

Philippe